The word “sigh” is what perfectly describes my life right now. That may sound a bit dramatic, but I can’t help feeling like this. A few weeks ago I got my results for my final university exams, and thankfully I passed everything. Which means I now officially have degree. But the thing is, I feel like shit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad that I passed and I don’t have to resit anymore exams, and also that my parents don’t have to spend anymore money on me. But I don’t feel like I have accomplished something. I just went to class and did my exams and somehow that is supposed to prepare me for life.
When I told people I finished my degree, after congratulating me they always asked what next? It’s a valid question, but every time someone asks me that, I freak the fuck out. I know the logical answer is to just tell them that I am looking for a job, but then they want to know more, and I don’t have answers. I am looking for a job, that isn’t a lie. But anyone who has graduated university and is looking for a job knows just how depressing it is. Everyone wants experience, or they want interns, or they aren’t hiring. It’s constant rejection, or actually just not hearing back from anyone.
In addition to dealing with all of this shit, my anxiety has been getting worse and worse because I keep worrying about how I am going to deal with a job, because the only other experience I have is an internship I did a year ago, which was one of the worst experiences of my life. So that’s great too. My mind is the worst place to be right now.
So this is mainly why I haven’t been posting anything. The stress and anxiety has been consuming everything in my life, so I can’t do anything that I would normally love to do, like write, read, play and binge on some shows. Everything makes me feel empty and nothing helps me to escape my mind, so I just spend all my time doing literally nothing.
So that’s an update on my life right now.
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